Oregon Special Edition Barbie Dolls

If you are not familiar with Oregon, some of the humor of this post may be lost on you. However, you should be able to identify with areas in your own state where these special edition Barbies could be easily adapted. Feel free to create your own and post to your blog. By the way, for reference, I lived my first 12 years in Lebanon, Oregon and had relatives in Sweet Home. Now you’ll understand what I’m up against just based on my early years.

Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Oregon market:

Lake Oswego Barbie

This princess Barbie is sold only at the Pioneer Square Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
 

Beaverton Barbie

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

Woodburn Barbie

This recently paroled Bilingual Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.

Bend Barbie

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.

Sweet Home Barbie

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Lebanon Barbie

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Sweet Home Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top; also available with a mobile home.

Eugene Barbie

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Eugene Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

North Portland Barbie

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant dolls from two different races. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the second infant.

Also don’t miss, Idaho Special Edition Barbie Dolls

Advertisements

116 Responses to “Oregon Special Edition Barbie Dolls”

  1. Nectarfizz Says:

    horribly amused…(peers through fingers) horribly, horribly amused.

    • Anonymous Says:

      The Bend Barbie should be renamed…California Transplant Barbie. She doesn’t represent a native Bender.

      • Anonymous Says:

        Totally DISAGREE! Bend Barbie is spot on… I have seen a few, and they are born and bred in Oregon!

      • Leah Says:

        Totally agree! I lived over in Central Oregon for 5 years and the Bend Barbie should drive a Subaru and wear a Patagonia jacket with skinny jeans or leggings and have skis while eating granola. lol

      • Anonymous Says:

        the Bend Barbie I know is related to Sashquach and is almost seven feet tall, grows hair all over her body, usually comes with a chain saw, and was once the shot put champion of Oregon.

  2. Rick Says:

    Man oh man. I’d like to see the Pendleton one: “Complete with rodeo tickets, 4-door F-350 that’s about to be repossessed, and ability to emit odorless flatulence. Family tree of every other Pendleton Barbie included at no extra charge, so you know her social status at a glance.”

  3. jonsquared Says:

    I guffawed the first time I saw this list. Thanks for posting it for me to view again. Cheers!

  4. Bryan Says:

    I love it! You should come up with some creative pictures and add to the “Oregon Barbie” dialogue.

  5. John Says:

    Ontario Barbie…

    We’re not really sure what ‘race’ this model is. She looks hispanic, but her name is Cyndi Berkowitz, she is wearing so much pancake ‘base’ with painted eyebrows, tammy faye eyelashes and candy-apple tinted rouge that she looks just like all the others. She has bleached her hair… 6-months ago and the roots are black, but her bangs are stiffly pointing at the sky. She has 18 piercings… that you can “see”. She is wearing ‘gangsta’ clothes; pants 6 sizes too big with chains weighing it down and a Chicago WhiteSox jersey, has a armband tattoo and a tramp stamp. She has 3 kids all named Junior (pregnant with #4, unsure who the father is), if she wants just one of them, she uses their last name. She can be found driving a car straight from the set of Fast & Furious, yet pays for groceries with WIC and an Oregon Trail card.

  6. Rick Says:

    BTW–Bend Barbie is SPOT ON. I have had reason to spend a little time down there the last several months, and it’s amazing how impressed they all are with themselves.

    • Cascadia Says:

      Maybe the West side of Bend. The east siders tend to be a bit more on the country side.

    • Anonymous Says:

      Big disagree! Not spot on, but then again, sounds like you don’t live here.

      • Anonymous Says:

        the original gangster barbie would be driving a vintage 1984 land cruiser on her way to tennis lessons. you guys don’t even know. been here since ’81

    • Todd Keeports Says:

      All Oregonians seem to be “impressed” with themselves. Makes me wonder if any Oregonians ever leave the state.

      • Todd Keeports Says:

        I’ve lived in Oregon for 15 years. I love the “culture” here because I never have to take any responsibility for anything I say or do. I can call anyone a “hater” who disagrees with me. I can talk like I care about the environment and other living creatures, while consuming the Earth’s resources like a cockroach on a sugar cube. I can act dumb and dumber and it makes everyone think I am the bomb. I mean there are few places where you can just be an asshole and fit in perfectly fine. Oregon is one of them.

      • Jimmy Crackorn Says:

        Yep

      • Todd Keeports Says:

        Was being sarcastic. Every place has it’s ups n downs. Lack of humility and self reflection just seem to be lacking in Oregon. Of course, maybe that’s just the state of our whole nation. Either way, the stereotypes are funny…except Sweet Home Barbie forgot to open carry her AK.

  7. PR Says:

    I kind of hoped there would be a “Portland Hipster” edition Barbie… This barbie comes from a wealthy family that she hates, but feels no pangs of conscience when accepting her monthly expense check from her dad. Her haircut is jagged, and her bangs are plastered almost horizontally across her forehead. A few years ago, she grew out of wearing her white belt, but that castro cap will so totally never go out of style. Her biting sarcasm and one-upsmanship when it comes to “the coolest band in the world” will drive you to stab yourself in your will to live, but she’s mastered the little girl cuteness factor, so if you’re male, you’ll instantly forgive her. Comes with kid sized bike and no job.

  8. John Dashney Says:

    Salem Barbie: comes with J.C. Penney pants suit and Towncraft blouse, State Employee I.D. badge and Oregon Public Employees Union coffee mug, Rite-Aid discount card and sensible flats from Shoe Factory Outlet. Not for sale, but given as a premium for joining State Employees Credit Union. Her four-year-old Honda Civic available for premium members. Lobbyist Ken not currently available.

  9. Annie Oakley Says:

    Oh man this is funny! I especially laughed over the Eugene Barbie – that’s where I grew up. Although I know these are gross stereotypes I disagree with Rick. Having spent many years in Portland and now having lived in Central Oregon for 9 years, I don’t think Bend really comes close. That represents maybe 1/2 of 1%. Don’t you know our economy is one of the worst in the nation? Not many Hummers here. But…it was still funny.

    • Grrrlmonkey Says:

      I agree annie oakley….about Central Oregon…..I think the Bend Barbie needs to have a Subaru Central Oregoner’s are pretty cool mountain ppl! 🙂

  10. Annie Oakley Says:

    Oh, and I loved the other suggestions. Especially Salem..

  11. stephanie Says:

    Sooooo funny! What a way to start my day!

  12. BettyBoo Says:

    Silverton Barbie: Looks like Barbie but is actually Ken with boobs. Available with a sexy black dress that shoes more than enough cleavage.

  13. What would Corvallis Barbie look like? « Jennifer Moody Says:

    […] said, if you live in Oregon, it’s pretty darned funny. So view or not, as you choose. And feel free to suggest your […]

  14. Robin Says:

    I think the Corvallis Barbie would be driving a Subaru with a sports rack and back side full of bumper stickers, including one that says “My other car is a bike” and an expired HP parking permit from when she used to work there. (Dog hair is free of charge.)

    With her perfect hair and nails, she’d wear comfortable jeans and a 20 year old t-shirt with a peace sign. She would come with Prof. Longhair Ken with a graying beard, button-down untucked shirt, blue shorts, black socks and brown Birkenstocks.

  15. Valerie Says:

    We need a Hillsboro Barbie. She needs to be a latino barbie driving a Hummer and has a pit bull.

  16. Nikki Says:

    Surprised to not see a Medford or Ashland Barbie suggested. I would, but unfortunately, I am not witty enough.

    • Anonymous Says:

      Ashland Barbie drives the prerequisite Subaru Forester with 2.5 kids and 2 dogs, wearing tie dyed T-shirt and hemp maxi skirt, Dansko clogs and a hemp bag slung over the shoulder, BPA free water bottle with either hemp or China seeds floating in it and oh let’s not forget season passes to the Shakespeare Theatre. Optional 2nd Mommy and the kids conceived by anonymous donor or 2nd Mommy’s best friend from college, kids refer to their “Dad” and his life partner as uncle.

  17. Dani Says:

    Somebody needs to come up with an Oregon Coast Barbie!

    And whoever described Pendleton Barbie, I think you just described my family, but you’re missing the HRD… haha!

  18. Stephanie Says:

    LOL

    I grew up in Sweet Home, and I can vouch for the SH-Lebanon ones xD

    Absolutely hilarious.

  19. M Bison Says:

    “This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant dolls from two different races”

    Racist much?

  20. /barbie-news Says:

    I love Barbie! my mom give my first… from my 6 years old! At the moment, my little enjoy with my 30 years Barbie!. I´m tuned too with news about her from other fans of Barbie!. Thanks!

  21. Anonymous Says:

    Where is the Coastal Barbie?

  22. richard Says:

    Prineville Barbie

    Trashy low cut faded jeans with holes and a cowgirl shirt and worn cowgirl boots complete this barbie. Comes with a beat up old ford farm truck and a double wide trailor.

    Optional equipment, hick Ken, with a stetson hat and six pack of pabst blue ribbon or coors light, and optional girlfriend/sheep.

  23. Cynthia Allen Says:

    I love them. I wish I could afford them all.

  24. Art Lee Says:

    OMG you may burn in hell but the best laugh of the last 30 days

  25. Missy Jones Says:

    A Tillamook Barbie — She dons a Tillamook Cheese hoodie, a pair of thongs (they are called thongs, NOT FLIP FLOPS), optional rubber boots, and a pair of cut off shorts (or jeans for seasonal purposes) Comes with a Trailer house, and a jacked up Toyota Truck with Sand Damage. Redneck Ken comes with a variety of tattoos, including one that says “Hillbilly” on his back, and wears jeans with a dip ring in the rear pocket.

  26. Lalonnie Says:

    Omg where is the Corvallis beaver or the duck Barbie lol.

  27. Me Says:

    They forgot the California Transplant Barbie who is everywhere and has bought up all the property thus driving the price of land up so high that ordinary Oregon Barbies are unable to afford homes any longer.

  28. clareannette Says:

    I have lived in Woodburn most of my life. This identifies with maybe 10% of the population.

  29. Me Says:

    And Glenwood Barbie. She doesn’t really live there but spends all her time at The Intersection panhandling with a cardboard sign. Same with Glenwood Ken although he rides a child’s bicycle, carries a back pack, and has a dog on a string. Also spends a lot of time hovering near Darimart.

  30. Valerie Doran Says:

    Clackamas Barbie loves the great schools for her 2.5 children, drives a Subaru and Ken has a Beemer. Loves Costco and Nordies. Took the kids to the coast just before shool started. So glad she can get back to her yoga and “herb” garden. Chardonnay anyone?

  31. K Says:

    This is way too racist to be funny.

  32. R Says:

    Hood River Barbie ……. Has a windsurf board kite board and skis on her VW van ……..

  33. R Says:

    Dundee Barbie has a wine glass and a plate of hazelnut blueberry coffee cake sitting in her Prius ….

  34. R Says:

    Astoria Barbie has a fishing pole and chest waders, as well as a smoker craft to pull behind her 78 Dodge Ram.

  35. Jessica Says:

    What about Grants Pass/Medford Barbie??!!

    • mhopkins2 Says:

      Obviously wears a Dutch Bros T-shirt and has Dutch Mafia and Dutch Princess decals on her Toyota Camry. Has at least 2 dogs, one of which is named Dutch. Eyes dart rapidly due to Red Bull habit. Smiles all the time except when caffeine wears off. Loved high school and sad that BFFs are now all over the state.

  36. Klm Says:

    Molalla Barbie worked as a bucker before the spotted owl showed up. Now she owns 5 horses and runs the circut around the 4th of July. She sells her own home grown Christmas trees in the winter and sky dives whenever the sun shines. She rides her bike down highway 211, going to Safeway, with a trailer behind that holds her dogs and goat. She used to have a Ford pickup, but it got caught and went down river in the flood waters of 1996.

  37. Denise Hyatt Says:

    We need a Willamette/Santiam Valley Barbie that has a grass seed farm with a John Deere Tractor, 4 door Ford F-250, Labrador retriever, wears jeans and t-shirt, and optional swimwear for the hotsprings.

  38. Denise Hyatt Says:

    Santiam Valley Barbie that works in the Cannery. Head scarf, hard hat, apron, jeans, t-shirt with corn or beans splattered on them from working the belts with a bag for her lunch. Dark circles under her eyes from working graveyard 2 months straight.

  39. Natasha Says:

    I would like to see a Rockwood Barbie and a Salem Barbie. That would be great.

  40. Jean Says:

    Ashland Barbie has gray hair, tickets to OSF in hand. Locally-sourced, natural products were used in the making of the doll, and she has not had vaccinations for any diseases. She carries a reusable shopping bag, and there is a life-sized one available for purchase. She comes with a smoke effect for summer months, and drives a Prius, Subaru, or an electric vehicle.

  41. Alicia Smith Says:

    Gresham Barbie is blonde but her dark roots are showing. She comes in a black hoodie, jeans, and Ugg boots, with a pack of Marlboro Lights and an optional video poker machine.

  42. Sandy Shoop Says:

    I would LOVE to see a Brookings-Harbor Barbie here! She would have a pony tail, baseball cap and be wearing shorts and flip-flops with a hoodie sweatshirt… Ya gotta live here to appreciate it..

  43. Oregon Special Edition Barbie Dolls | Dad in the Headlights - I Got You, Boo Says:

    […] Source: Oregon Special Edition Barbie Dolls | Dad in the Headlights […]

  44. Josie Says:

    Should make grants pass barbie doll with 6 Ken dolls- all different baby daddys. Barbie should have 7 kids from all different father’s some which she doesn’t even know which one is the father. Then she needs a Honda civic that has fart cans on the back with a nice spray paint job. She also needs to lI’ve next door to the black guy that she sleeps with for meth. And she needs a meth and black tar heroine dealer. Have her with weed tattoos and complete with trashy clothes from goodwill. She would dress like a gangsta. Don’t forget to put pock marks all over her face because she is a methhead. Give her a voice box that says things like… I’m so itchy. Bugs are under my skin… omg .. someone is watching us.

  45. Nobody Says:

    What…..no “Meth”ford Barbie?

  46. thatgirlwiththedarkhair Says:

    Two things. This is awful…and funny. Nice photoshop job, too. ha ha.

  47. Heather Smith Says:

    I would like to see a Klamath Falls Barbie! I am not sure if we will though! I am sure that I am going to be called a couple of names, but the hilarity of the page has been lost on you! I am not sure what all she would come with!?! I am just trying to bring you all up to date!

    • Anonymous Says:

      I think she would be wearing joe boxer pajamas as casual day wear, and have a cowgirl up sticker on her double cab doulee.

    • Amber Says:

      There should be a Klamath Falls one. She would drive a low ride Elcomeno with air ride hydrolics, with a pear purple color. It will have a sterio that plays with bass so low it rattles the windows. She will wear mid-drift shirt that says Love across the low cut cleavage. Jeans so tight they look painted on, with holes up and down, and sharpie pictures. She would have Nike special edition shoes, and a knock off Gutchie purse. She would have at least least 3 kids obviously born back to back.
      Unless from outer limits then she would drive a 4×4 pick-ups she wear Wrangler jeans, Roper boots lace up, casual T-shirt that form fitting. Hair long and in a pony under her Cowboy hat. She smoke while cussing some one out for driving to fast down the road were her horse is kept or kids play. In her truck would be a tool box full of every tool needed on the farm, a tow package, ice chest full of beer and sweet tea.thanks

  48. Anonymous Says:

    Where is Gresham Barbie?

  49. BrokenHope Says:

    I was really hoping to see a Springfield Barbie on here. Smh.

  50. ashley Says:

    Weres the Salem barbie lol..

  51. Anonymous Says:

    Well I thought this was hilarious until the end when it got incredibly racist! Like fuck off for perpetuating black male stereotypes with that delinquent father “gangsta” shit. What in the actual fuck. Come on.

  52. deleted Says:

    GOD this makes me want to leave this racist ass state

  53. GottaLoveOregon Says:

    Springfield Barbie has multiple facial piercings with several large tattoos on her stomach and upper back of crosses, hearts and her ex-boyfriend’s name “Raul”. She comes with a beat-up green Ford Taurus at no extra charge and her upstairs, 1-bedroom apartment with faded carpet and cardboard window coverings can be purchased separately. She works at Taco Bell during the evening and spends most of her days sleeping or trying to get her new plants to grow under the heat lamp. She is secretly envious of her Eugene cousin Willow but doesn’t understand the whole no shaving thing.

  54. Anonymous Says:

    These were done by someone quite a long time ago, at least 10 years ago, but due to copyright laws (Mattel) they were removed from that particular site, but it was already out there. A few are missing (West Hills Barbie, Stark Street Barbie, etc) and a few now seem dated to me, as the areas have changed a bit. We need some new ones, for sure!

  55. Anonymous Says:

    Hipster Barbie

  56. Anonymous Says:

    We need a Boring Damascus or Sandy barbie.

  57. native Eugenean Says:

    Eugene Barbie updated: She was born at a tailgate party at Autzen Stadium, so has worn nothing but green and yellow since she was delivered during half-time on the table of a “Duck” themed motor home in the parking lot. She comes with assorted U of O facial decals, complete Nike wardrobe with 31 days of different webfoot-themed outfits (one pink for October) all with color coordinated Nike shoes, and a #8 tattoo. You may purchase the Eugene Barbie white Volvo with yellow pom poms (given to the crowd at all the 80’s games) behind the rear seat, and green team flags flying from both sides of the car (big green O on back window), optional alumni and Daisy Duck stickers available. Also available is the complete tailgate picnic set including Safeway Chicken, and ice chest filled with Ninkasi’s newest.

  58. yeahright Says:

    Ooooh! Just how I like my bigotry: racist with a touch of homophobia. Good job! You should be proud of this post.

  59. J Giddens Says:

    Coos Bay Barbie. She’s her own Grandma, eyes a little too widely spaced from generations of inbreeding. Lives in a manufactured home on a clearcut, has numerous dogs, al having some degree of Pit Bull in their genetic make up. Is also a foster parent, and knows several DHS and CPS agents on a first name basis, as they are always dropping by to investigate yet another complaint.

  60. Starr's Says:

    someone should create a McMinnville Barbie

  61. Kim Cole Says:

    Where is the Coastie Barbie?

  62. Anonymous Says:

    New for 2016! Florence coastal Barbie! Comes in two versions for different audiences. Younger Florence Barbie drives a black Suburban, and is attired in stretch jeans, Eric Michael boots and a black puff jacket. Hair options include red or blonde highlights. Complete with ankle tattoo and summer capris, additional outfits include squall jacket and running shoes. Barbie also comes with her chocolate lab “Molly”, who drools when squeezed. Ken doll is optional, used for play dates on weekends. Skipper and friends can be purchased attired in volleyball and softball gear.
    Older Florence Barbie comes complete with two small white dogs, red Toyota Prius and three sets of reading glasses for driving. She shops at the grocery store only in the middle of the day and won’t be on the road after dark. She has a California tan that fades over time. Optional Ken doll has white hair and hearing aids. Both dolls attired in sensible clothing for volunteering at the local charity.

  63. suzy Says:

    Need a coast Barbi in shorts, flip flops and a hoodie all tied up

  64. itcha madeevie Says:

    I want to see a Totally Kosher Orthodox Barbie with a sheitel (wig)

  65. Lauralee Says:

    Totally awesome!

  66. Pookaloo Says:

    Sorta funny. Too racist. And the “modern-day homemaker” Beav Barb “She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation.” Sexist bullshit. Just what I expect from my home state.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: