I’ve Got a Job!

Those of you that follow this blog regularly may recall that I found out last fall that I would be losing my job to outsourcing in July. I’ve been looking inside and outside my company since then and had not been successful in finding something that was a good fit.

Well, that has finally changed for the good. I was just offered a position as the IT Administrator for a small manufacturing company. Basically, I’m going to be their one-man IT department. It is going to be a radical change from being in a very specialized position at a large company to a jack of all trades at a small company. However, I’m looking forward to the new challenge, and thankfully they are willing let me work through the learning curve on some of the areas that I’m not as strong in.

Since one blog is not enough, I’m starting a new blog called One Man IT Shop to chronicle my transformation from a Fortune 500 IT foot soldier to the general of a one-man IT army. It’s going to bore the snot out of just about everyone. I put the chances at less than 50% that even one person will be interested. But it’s mostly there for me anyway.

Fire on the Ranch, Part II

As you may recall from a previous post, I had a “little” fire incident not too long ago. A few days after that, I was looking over the areas that didn’t get burned and decided that I’d better get it mowed to reduce the danger of another fire. The grass was pretty tall and very dry. So I went out and spent about an hour mowing it. The ground was very dry and I was kicking up dust like crazy. When I was finished, I was covered in dust from head to toe.

I went inside and got cleaned up. About 20 minutes later, I just went to the back door to have a look outside. To my horror, I saw 3 fire trucks out in our field. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t imagine that I had started a fire while mowing without noticing it. I slipped some shoes on, grabbed a flashlight, and headed out. While walking out, I didn’t see any smoke or flames. I was puzzled.

I walked up and greeted the guys and asked what was going on. They said that they had received reports of smoke in the area and thought that maybe our fire from a few days ago had flared up. So they were headed up to check it out. I explained that I had been mowing and that had stirred up a lot of dust, so that might be what what people were seeing.

I was also puzzled as to why they were just sitting there rather than continuing on up to where the previous fire was (you know, they area they wanted to check out). It was then that I noticed that the lead truck was buried up to its axle in mud. We had done some irrigation since the fire and the ground they tried to drive across was saturated. It probably took them 20 minutes to finally get the truck pulled out of the mud.

Sheesh, now I can’t even mow without the fire department being involved. We may yet be asked to leave town. 🙂

Punday, June 29th

My creative juices have been running a bit dry lately, so this week’s pun is courtesy of Bekki. Thanks for saving my bacon!

What happens when a frog mates with a bunny? He croaks.

For the Truly Lazy

In case you have been trying in vain to find more ways to burn less calories, help is on the way. The folks over at SeeFred have developed some products that will help you conserve energy. In these trying economic times, we really do need to conserve all we can.

 

 First up is the Motorized Ice Cream Cone. Yes, just pop some batteries into this puppy and you’ll never again have to waste calories or risk carpal tunnel syndrome by turning the ice cream cone with your hand. This handy device will take care of the task for you.

 

 

 

 

 

But what about spaghetti, you ask? It’s such a strenuous task to twirl the fork to get the spaghetti on it. Not to worry–we’ve got you covered here also. Similar to the ice cream cone, just put some batteries in, push the button and the Spaghetti Fork will take care of the rest.

 

 

 

 

Really,  how lazy could you possibly be to not want to spin your own fork or ice cream cone? These products just put us one step closer to being brains in a jar that have no need for muscles. Simply outrageous.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some shopping to do.

Little Boys and Matches

It really was with the best of intentions that I set some piles of used animal bedding on fire last Wednesday. It was burning along quite nicely. Then along came the wind. No sweat though. I was ready with a shovel and the water hose. I actually spent a couple of hours dousing it. It seems that the pesky fire didn’t want to go out. Finally, it seemed to be out. However, to my surprise, it was smoldering again Thursday morning. No biggie. I doused it again for awhile. Then when The Wife got home from work, she turned the sprinkler on it.

She went to bed and asked the Older Daughter to keep an eye on things. In the mid-afternoon, the Older Daughter told The Wife that there were some flames. No problem. She was instructed to move the sprinkler over to water that hot spot. Well, thing starting going bad really fast from here. Now it seems that the Older Daughter simply had to take a shower as The Wife went back to sleep. Oh yeah, and Mr. Wind decided that this was a good time for him to blow.

The Wife was awakened to the kids screaming about the field being on fire. Looking out, she saw 5-foot-high flames and a racing fire. She called 911 and then headed out with the kids to do what they could while waiting for the fire department. She first stopped the flames heading toward the house. Then she raced over and put herself between the flames and the pasture fence to prevent it from spreading into the horse pasture.

Several hours and several fire trucks later, the fire was under control. Probably about 4 acres were charred. Here’s a small section of the burn:

Now I was at work when this all started. When I got the call from The Wife, she had some choice words for me that I really can’t repeat here. Also, I believe there was some sort of mention of homicide or something like that. Somehow, I survived and am able to report to you. (In other words, she didn’t break my fingers to prevent me from setting more fires.)

Hey, here’s something you don’t see everyday. Where else can you find a cow, a fire truck, and a fire fighter dousing flames…all in the same picture? This may by an Internet first.

By the way, thankfully no humans, animals, or property were harmed in the making of this fire.

Punday, June 22nd

His musical passing of gas is a work of fart.

Our New Babies

No, we didn’t go out and get any new animals…really. I just thought I would provide a quick update on our meager attempt at a garden. Behold baby cucumbers plants:

And baby pumpkin plants:

I looked at my thumb and it is still not green. However the plant are, so that’s good. I heavy dose of rain helped for the first 10 days. Now that the temperatures are getting into the 90s, I have to remember to give the things water.

This weekend we may plant another hill of cucumbers so that we have an ongoing supply through late summer and early fall.

Punday, June 15th

The other day, The Wife and I were getting ready to do some watering outside. Just out of the blue she asked me to go get the hos. Wow, I never realized that she was so open-minded. And don’t overlook that fact that it is plural. I have an amazing wife!

Man Club Membership Suspension

Our best friends visited us this weekend. The male of the couple was talking about some very interesting celebrity story. When I asked him where he heard about it, he replied “The Oprah Show”. The reason that I cannot remember what he was talking about, is that the mention of The Oprah Show caused an immediate erasure of any memories associated with reference to the show.

I demanded the immediate surrender of his Man Club card pending official ruling by the Supreme Council of Men on the matter. I don’t believe that a male can willingly view The Oprah Show for any period of time and still retain his membership. I don’t care if Angelina Jolie, Jessica Simpson, and Pamela Anderson are appearing and if the FCC has temporarily suspended it’s standards to allow nudity. A man simply cannot view this show.

Your thoughts?

Knee-Deep in June

For awhile, I was trying to make some extra cash by buying books at yard sales and then selling them on eBay, half.com, or amazon.com. I just ran across an old box of books and found a book called Riley Farm-Rhymes by James Whitcomb Riley. It was originally written in 1883, though this particular edition was printed in 1901. On the dedication page, it says “Inscribed with all grateful esteem to the good old-fashioned people.”

It’s actually a book of poems. I could be jeopardizing my Man Card by doing this, but I’m going to share part of one of the poems with you. It has 8 (verses?). But I like the first one, because I can identify with the laziness it expresses. Here you go:

KNEE-DEEP IN JUNE

I

Tell you what I like the best–

‘Long about knee-deep in June,

‘Bout the time strawberries melts

On the vine,–some afternoon

Likes to jes’ git out and rest,

And not work at nothin’ else!

Punday, June 8th

A birder had a mynah problem but with no egrets.

What the Duck?

Okay, somebody needs to stop us. We can’t seem to stop adding animals to our petting zoo. Let me introduce you to our ducks:

Okay, so here’s the real story. It turns out that the chickens are not going to work out with the petting zoo. Despite the fact that we have been handling them on a daily basis to try and keep them tame, they still freak out every time they are touched. That doesn’t work so good when you are having small children try to pet them. It just so happens that these adorable ducks absolutely love attention and cuddling. They are a much better fit.

Not to worry about the chickens. We are keeping them around for the eggs.