Punday, June 1st

In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.

Advertisements
Posted in Humor, Punday. Tags: , , , . 1 Comment »

Farmer Brown, at Your Service

As you may know, we have approximately 5 billion animals. Okay, that may be a bit of an exaggeration. I believe the Older Daughter took the time to count and found that the number was 26.

Anyway, since we have so much free time on our hands, we decided to start a small garden this year. A few weeks ago, I planted a couple of tomato starts courtesy of a friend who had way too many. Funny thing is, The Wife is the only one in the household that likes tomatoes. She even asked why I was planting them. My reply was, “can’t we do something nice just for you?”

The Younger Daughter and I went out this evening and planted a hill of cucumbers and 3 hills of pumpkins. So the tomatoes and cucumbers will be for our use and any we’ll give any extras to friends. With the pumpkins, we’ll keep a couple but hope to sell the rest. You know, another attempt to make this ranch pay its own way. It won’t be any sort of huge windfall, but every little bit helps.

We have talked about having a garden for years, but this is the first time we actually followed through. So I have no idea if this thing will actually work. I mean, I took a look at my thumb and it is not the least bit green. Good or bad, you’ll see and here the results right here. Stay tuned…

Grumpy Old Man

Am I becoming a grumpy old man? You be the judge.

Okay, I have no problem with the Muscular Dystrophy Association–in fact I have given money on and off over the years. I also have no problem with firefighters. These folks are heroes that are always there and stand ready to risk their lives to save ours. I have no problem with streets–they are a wonderful tool to get us from point A to point B.

What I can’t stand is the one time every year where these three wonderful entities converge to piss me off. Yes, it’s the annual Fill the Boot campaign. This is where thousands of firefighters across the country take to the streets to clog up traffic and endlessly badger motorists to throw some money into some smelly old boot for MDA.

How can this be legal? Who else can stand out in the middle of the street, beg for money, and get away with it? That’s right, no one. But apparently law enforcement looks the other way because it’s the firefighters. For like the last 5 years, I’ve threatened to complain to law enforcement to get this harrassment stopped. But I never have. And I probably won’t this year. And probably never will. I’ll just keep complaining to anyone else that will listen.

The Real Story Behind High Oil Prices

I’m getting tired of the knuckleheads on Capitol Hill wasting time parading oil executives into hearing rooms to pummel them over profits every week rather than actually solving the problem. Isn’t this still America? Aren’t we still a capitalist nation? A quick lesson on the purpose of a business: to make money. Yes, it’s that simple. The purpose is no greater or less than that. We should be cheering their profits.

Let’s say I were to grant you that a corporation could make “too much” money (I won’t, but let’s say I did). The oil industry has a profit margin well below the average of all industries. The reason for the huge profits in absolute numbers is simply the fact that it is the largest industry in the world. It would be like Joe’s Bar & Grill complaining that Applebee’s makes too much in comparison.

Anyway, let’s move on. Let’s take a look at what the mental midgets in Washington have done to address the issue of high oil prices:

  • They have made ANWR off limits to drilling
  • They forbid drilling off of the Florida and California coasts
  • They will not allow leases for drilling in the Gulf while China and Venezuela have signed leases
  • They are shutting down oil fields in Colorado
  • They won’t allow shale oil field development in some Western states
  • The EPA just added polar bear to the protected list even though their numbers have increased substantially. Oh yeah, and the polar bears are in the same area where we need to drill for oil.
  • They passed legislation allowing us to sue OPEC–I’m sure that won’t piss them off and cause them to cut off our oil.
  • There have been rumblings of a windfall profits tax (even though I pointed out earlier that they are below average in their profit margins). Trust me, increasing a company’s expenses, will not lead to lower prices.
  • All 3 presidential candidates have promised to pass cap and trade legislation (to fight the phantom global warming problem). The EPA estimates that this will increase the price of gasoline by $1.50 per gallon–other say it could be more like $5.00 per gallon.
  • They have not allowed the construction of a new refinery in over 30 years.
  • They will not allow the deployment of coal-to-oil technology. We are the Saudi Arabia of coal and could be energy independent with this technology.
  • They won’t reduce the federal gas tax–not even for the summer.

And they’re asking the oil executives why prices are so high? Stop the political grandstanding and provide real solutions folks.

Cats and Chainsaws

The DITH art department always strives to bring you cutting edge material that you just won’t see anywhere else. The latest innovation: cats and chainsaws. We searched the Internet for tens of seconds and couldn’t find anyone else covering this vital discipline of creative photography. So, here it is for your viewing pleasure.

Punday, May 25th

I loved listening to the Dr. Demento show as a teen. The parody and comedy songs he plays are the perfect fit for my wacky brand of humor. One of my favorites is Wet Dream by Kip Adotta. It is the ultimate pun in the form of a song. If you like puns at all, you have to check it out.

A Beautiful Day on the Ranch

As if having a birth wasn’t enough, it was also just an all-around beautiful day. The temperature was perfect and we got lots of work done. Of course, I’d rather just sit on my butt, but it was a satisfyingly productive day. The bonus was the skies. The clouds were amazing. They almost appeared to be too crisp and perfect–like they were animated.

In the evening, we were treated to a great sunset:

Awesome day!

Posted in ranch. Tags: , . 3 Comments »