Happy Halloween!

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Punday, October 26th

The pirate captain was standing in his treasure pile. He didn’t have very much: his booty was only shin-deep.

Bryan: The Interview

My friend Bekki over in Nectarville has started a new interview feature on her blog. I was honored to be the first of her peeps to be interviewed. Check out the interview to learn way more about me than you probably ever wanted to know.  🙂

While you’re there, have a look around at some of her other material. She also has a poetry blog if you are so inclined.

Idaho Special Edition Barbie Dolls

You may recall a previous post in which we announced that Mattel was making special edition Barbies for Oregon. Just in time for Christmas, we are now pleased to announce the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Idaho market.

Nampa Barbie

She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a million dollar farm home. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.

Melba Barbie


The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching feedstore outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately for traveling.

Garden City Barbie

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.

Boise Barbie

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.

Challis Barbie

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt, tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder and no teeth. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Sun Valley Barbie


This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as newly built high rise condo.

Buhl Barbie


This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Jerome Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

Jerome Barbie


This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Twin Falls Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Kuna Barbie


This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. White boy Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Idaho Falls Barbie


She’s perfect in every way, mainly due to the high levels of antidepressants in her system. We don’t know where Ken is because he’s always at church meetings.

 

Also don’t miss Oregon Special Edition Barbie Dolls.

Advertising Rant

I’m so tired of seeing companies brag that they have 80 years of combined experience with yada, yada, yada. This is a meaningless selling point. That could mean that they have 240 18-year-olds with 6 months of experience each; or it could mean that they have just one really old dude that is on life support. Neither extreme would make me feel comfortable with the company. I know that the truth is somewhere in the middle. Give me the average years experience per person–that would be a much more telling statistic.

I’m a Dork in the Kitchen

As you learned in an earlier post, for the safety of human life and property, I really should stay out of the kitchen. But, alas, I cannot resist the occasional urge to try and cook something.

Several weeks ago, I was at a friend’s house. We made up sandwiches and they warmed them up in a toaster oven. I was amazed at how much better it tasted warmed up with the cheese melted…mmmmm. Last night I was home alone (perhaps a dangerous thing just by itself) and decided to duplicate this yummy concoction. We don’t have a toaster oven, so I thought a normal oven on broil would probably accomplish the same thing. I turned on the oven, then went over and slapped some turkey and cheddar on a couple of slices of bread. Then I placed it in the oven. I then took about 5 minutes to check out some of my favorite blogs. I mean, what else would I do right? When I opened up the oven, I found the bread on top burnt to a crisp. Then when I actually ate the sandwich, I found the meat on the bottom side still cold. Sheesh…I should have just stuck with an entirely cold sandwich. Oh well, The Wife brought home pizza and saved the day!

I’ve Got a Brand New Pair of Rollerskates Parody

In an earlier post, I railed against the hideousness that is the song I’ve Got a Brand New Pair of Rollerskates. A lot of people have criticized me for this and that’s fine. This is my blog and I’ll say what I want thank you very much.

Matt has joined in the fun by pointing out this parody of the the song–Combine Harvester by The Wurlzers. I think that I actually like the parody–it’s so bad that it’s good.