Punday: February 14

What kind of milk does a forgetful cow produce? Milk of amnesia.

Posted in Humor, Punday. Tags: , , , . 1 Comment »

In-Depth Analysis of Super Bowl XLIV

Well, Super Bowl is just hours away and I as am excited about this year’s game as ever. It promises to be a thrilling classic match-up between…uhhh…hold on just a second while I Google that. Okay, looks like it’s going to be the New Orleans Saints against the Indianapolis Colts.

Okay, you got me. I am not a pro football fan. Not in the least. During the regular season, I’ll watch for a little while since it seems to be something I’m supposed to do as a man. But after not too long, I’m looking for something to read or something else to do while The Wife watches the game (messed up, huh?). Now I know that this post will be submitted as prosecutor’s exhibit #1 when the Man Club takes me to court to revoke my membership, but I just don’t care.

Super Bowl is a different story, but it’s not about the game itself. Every year, we get together with several other families and make a day of it. There’s always lots of food, fun, and laughs. As for the game, I’m all about the commercials. As we all know, the advertisers turn it up a notch and really try to entertain us to keep our eyes glued on what they are trying to sell us. We get to find out which sappy Budweiser horse commercial will make The Wife cry; how close GoDaddy will go to the edge of FCC regulations; and see the creative jabs that Coke and Pepsi take at each other. Of course there are always a handful that make you ask: “They spent $3 million for that?”

You’ll catch me nodding off in complete boredom during actual game play, so I just ask that the others wake me up for the commercials and maybe the half-time show. I’m going to see if I can con the clan into TiVo-ing the game. Then we’ll start watching about 2 hours into the actual game and (pause for genius moment) fast forward through the game to see only the commercials! I love it! That’s what needs to happen to create a completely perfect Super Bowl event–at least from my standpoint.

Punday, December 13th

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Punday, September 20th

What do you need to do if you are infected with the bird flu? Seek tweetment.

What do you need to do if you are infected with the swine flu? Apply oinkment.

Punday, July 26th

If it’s not a father and it’s not a mother, what is it? It’s not apparent.

Punday, July 19th

A man decided to join a ride-sharing program with his colleagues at work to save money. But within a week of starting it, he started having severe wrist pain. This seemed to happen only while they were driving through the tunnel–he was fine outside the tunnel. Because the tunnel was so busy, they spent quite a bit of time in there. So it was quite a painful experience for the young man. He saw a doctor the following week and was told he had a problem that is quite common nowadays: carpool tunnel syndrome.

Do Not Despair

Don’t you just hate those stupid motivational posters? As if looking at some profound picture and reading an even more profound phrase is going to turn your day around. That’s why I love Despair, Inc.’s demotivational posters. I was looking through them today and found one for blogging. I love it!

blogging

Punday, June 28th

We have a dairy farm close to us. The cows are udderly amazing.

Danger on I-84?

Okay, I took this picture while driving riding on I-84 between Nampa and Caldwell. I mean, is this something I should be concerned about at all? Something doesn’t look quite right, but I can’t put my finger on it.

untitled1

Punday, June 21st

What’s my favorite dressing you ask? Topless

 

Thanks to my friend Todd for this one.

Punday, April 26th

Hey look! A fork in the road.

fork

Posted in Humor, Punday. Tags: , , , . 2 Comments »

Four Corners? Not So Much

Four Corners is the only place in the United Status where four state boundaries (Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, and Utah) come together. It was originally surveyed in 1868 and the first marker was placed there in 1912. The problem is, the survey was wrong. It turns out that the correct intersection is about 2.5 miles east of the marker.

I don’t know why, but I find it strangely humorous that millions of people have visited this monument over nearly 100 years and have taken pictures doing various goofy stunts to cover all 4 states–all to no avail. It was all a lie. (evil laughter)

4corners

Punday, April 19th

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

The Impossible Dream?

I need to have a serious discussion with my brain. I am simply not happy with its performance in regards to dreams. First of all, I’m seeing too many repeats. They say that we use only 10% of our brain’s potential, so I think it’s got plenty of time to come up with original material. I simply won’t put up with this laziness anymore. It wouldn’t be so bothersome if it was a good dream being repeated, but in this case it is an unpleasant dream. I can’t remember the details now, but I know that it was not fun.

Secondly, I want to see my dream requests fulfilled. After all, it’s my brain and it darn well better do what I ask. I have always wanted to experience space travel. However, I can’t afford such a trip. Even if it were free, I might very well chicken out. So, I want a nice space travel dream. But has my wish been granted yet? Of course not.

So brain: Stop with the repeats and give me my space trip or there will be serious consequences!

Mid-week Groaner

To my loyal readers…here is a thimble of my love for you.

thimble_large1

Punday, April 12th

Hoppy Easter to all my peeps!

Teen Translator

Finally, news I can use. Last Sunday’s ZITS comic has a fantastic invention for parents of teens: The Teen Translator. Enjoy…

zits

Punday, April 5th

I was recently at a construction site where they were doing some blasting. I almost forgot to put in my earplugs before a blast. Thankfully, I got them in just in the nick of time. It was a near-deaf experience.

Punday, March 22nd

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

Introducing: Uncle Jay Explains

I ran across Uncle Jay Explains several weeks back. This guy is great. He produces a weekly short video in which he explains the week’s news a la Mr. Roger’s. Very funny stuff. Check out this week’s video.