I’m a Dork in the Kitchen

As you learned in an earlier post, for the safety of human life and property, I really should stay out of the kitchen. But, alas, I cannot resist the occasional urge to try and cook something.

Several weeks ago, I was at a friend’s house. We made up sandwiches and they warmed them up in a toaster oven. I was amazed at how much better it tasted warmed up with the cheese melted…mmmmm. Last night I was home alone (perhaps a dangerous thing just by itself) and decided to duplicate this yummy concoction. We don’t have a toaster oven, so I thought a normal oven on broil would probably accomplish the same thing. I turned on the oven, then went over and slapped some turkey and cheddar on a couple of slices of bread. Then I placed it in the oven. I then took about 5 minutes to check out some of my favorite blogs. I mean, what else would I do right? When I opened up the oven, I found the bread on top burnt to a crisp. Then when I actually ate the sandwich, I found the meat on the bottom side still cold. Sheesh…I should have just stuck with an entirely cold sandwich. Oh well, The Wife brought home pizza and saved the day!

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Crazy Atkins Diet Experience

Thanks to John for his fad diet post to spark my memory of this experience. 

You probably remember that the Atkins Diet was all the rage a few years ago. You probably also remember that your local supermarket was suddenly filled with dozens of low-carb alternative foods to support the diet.

I was on the diet for probably about 6-9 months. It seemed like a dream come true: meat, cheese, eggs. What more could I want? And it did work for me? It did, at least initially. I was taking weight off at a good pace. However, in the end, I did end up missing those carbs and fell off the wagon.

However, the story I want to tell you about was my Atkins breakfast routine. I love having a sausage, egg, and English muffin sandwich for breakfast. However with Atkins, the English muffin is off limits. So I found some low-carb bread at the local store. It tasted roughly like cardboard–it was great. But I was committed to the diet, so I was going to use it. One morning, I microwaved the sausage and egg. Then I slapped it on my delicious low-carb bread. Finally, I wrapped my sandwich in a paper towel as I headed out for my commute to work.

I enjoyed my delicious sausage, egg, and cardboard sandwich while I was driving. (I know, I shouldn’t eat while driving–pipe down.) When I arrived at work, I grabbed the empty paper towel so I could drop it in the trash by the front door. It was then I noticed that I had eaten about 1/4 of the paper towel along with the sandwich. Yes, that amazing low-carb bread was so good that I couldn’t tell the difference between it and a paper towel.