Eat Your Vegetables…er, Voots

Those who know me know that I’m not a big fruits and vegetables kind of guy. I know that I should eat more, but I definitely struggle eating the balanced diet that I should. I really am more of a meat and potatoes kind of guy.

As I was running around Costco today, lunching on all the free samples, I ran onto a product called Voots. They are little chewable tablets, each of which they claim to contain 12 fruits and vegetables along with all the vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and flavonoids. This is fantastic!

They claim to taste like candy. I tried a sample and they don’t taste too bad. I could eat these and never eat another fruit or vegetable again…woo hoo!

Then again, I could try Vitameatavegamin and eliminate meat also…heh.

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Punday, July 13th

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

Posted in Humor, Punday. Tags: , , , . 1 Comment »

Stealth Vegetables

Those who have known me throughout the years know that I have an unnatural fear of vegetables. Okay, maybe fear is not the right word. Hate is probably closer to the truth. Just give me my meat and potatoes and no one will get hurt.

I have actually come a long ways over the years. I believe that since childhood I have doubled the number of vegetables I’ll eat. Yes, that’s right, I’ll eat corn and green beans now!

V8 is absolutely hideous. Sure, squeeze all the liquid out of the veggies I don’t like and put them into a can. The smell of the stuff nearly makes me puke. Jack Bauer could get me to spill the beans on anything by just pouring some V8 into my mouth.

However, they have come out with a new product that is fantastic: V8 V-Fusion. An 8 ounce serving provides a serving a fruit and a serving of vegetables while tasting pretty much like a fruit drink. Plus it has vitamins and antioxidants or some sort of other crap like that. So I can get my veggies, while thinking I am downing a tasty fruit drink. This is sweet. I can eat (okay, drink) healthier without enduring the nastiness of vegetables.

Crazy Atkins Diet Experience

Thanks to John for his fad diet post to spark my memory of this experience. 

You probably remember that the Atkins Diet was all the rage a few years ago. You probably also remember that your local supermarket was suddenly filled with dozens of low-carb alternative foods to support the diet.

I was on the diet for probably about 6-9 months. It seemed like a dream come true: meat, cheese, eggs. What more could I want? And it did work for me? It did, at least initially. I was taking weight off at a good pace. However, in the end, I did end up missing those carbs and fell off the wagon.

However, the story I want to tell you about was my Atkins breakfast routine. I love having a sausage, egg, and English muffin sandwich for breakfast. However with Atkins, the English muffin is off limits. So I found some low-carb bread at the local store. It tasted roughly like cardboard–it was great. But I was committed to the diet, so I was going to use it. One morning, I microwaved the sausage and egg. Then I slapped it on my delicious low-carb bread. Finally, I wrapped my sandwich in a paper towel as I headed out for my commute to work.

I enjoyed my delicious sausage, egg, and cardboard sandwich while I was driving. (I know, I shouldn’t eat while driving–pipe down.) When I arrived at work, I grabbed the empty paper towel so I could drop it in the trash by the front door. It was then I noticed that I had eaten about 1/4 of the paper towel along with the sandwich. Yes, that amazing low-carb bread was so good that I couldn’t tell the difference between it and a paper towel.