In-Depth Analysis of Super Bowl XLIV

Well, Super Bowl is just hours away and I as am excited about this year’s game as ever. It promises to be a thrilling classic match-up between…uhhh…hold on just a second while I Google that. Okay, looks like it’s going to be the New Orleans Saints against the Indianapolis Colts.

Okay, you got me. I am not a pro football fan. Not in the least. During the regular season, I’ll watch for a little while since it seems to be something I’m supposed to do as a man. But after not too long, I’m looking for something to read or something else to do while The Wife watches the game (messed up, huh?). Now I know that this post will be submitted as prosecutor’s exhibit #1 when the Man Club takes me to court to revoke my membership, but I just don’t care.

Super Bowl is a different story, but it’s not about the game itself. Every year, we get together with several other families and make a day of it. There’s always lots of food, fun, and laughs. As for the game, I’m all about the commercials. As we all know, the advertisers turn it up a notch and really try to entertain us to keep our eyes glued on what they are trying to sell us. We get to find out which sappy Budweiser horse commercial will make The Wife cry; how close GoDaddy will go to the edge of FCC regulations; and see the creative jabs that Coke and Pepsi take at each other. Of course there are always a handful that make you ask: “They spent $3 million for that?”

You’ll catch me nodding off in complete boredom during actual game play, so I just ask that the others wake me up for the commercials and maybe the half-time show. I’m going to see if I can con the clan into TiVo-ing the game. Then we’ll start watching about 2 hours into the actual game and (pause for genius moment) fast forward through the game to see only the commercials! I love it! That’s what needs to happen to create a completely perfect Super Bowl event–at least from my standpoint.

Man Club Membership Suspension

Our best friends visited us this weekend. The male of the couple was talking about some very interesting celebrity story. When I asked him where he heard about it, he replied “The Oprah Show”. The reason that I cannot remember what he was talking about, is that the mention of The Oprah Show caused an immediate erasure of any memories associated with reference to the show.

I demanded the immediate surrender of his Man Club card pending official ruling by the Supreme Council of Men on the matter. I don’t believe that a male can willingly view The Oprah Show for any period of time and still retain his membership. I don’t care if Angelina Jolie, Jessica Simpson, and Pamela Anderson are appearing and if the FCC has temporarily suspended it’s standards to allow nudity. A man simply cannot view this show.

Your thoughts?

8 Things About Me I’m Pretty Sure You Don’t Care About

Okay, my posting rate has been a little slow over the last few days. So I’m lifting a meme from John to get things moving along again. With this meme, you basically tell 8 facts about yourself and then tag someone else. I’m not going to officially tag anyone, but be a good sport and play along okay?

1. Both of my grandpas were named after famous people: Jesse James and Benjamin Franklin. Unfortunately, I never had the pleasure meeting either one (neither the grandpas nor the actual famous people).

2. I have ridden in the back of a police car and briefly checked out the county jail. You see, back in junior high, we had a zero-tolerance policy for fighting. If you were caught, you automatically got to ride to the county jail–about 13 miles away. They scared the hell out of you by showing you some cells, then your parents got to come pick you up. The fight was so minor that it was not worth it. No charges were filed. In retrospect, I should have drawn some blood or something for all the trouble of having my parents pick me up from jail.

3. Several years back, I was a good sport and took Irish dance lessons with the Younger Daughter. For the record, she grew bored of it and decided to quit–not me.

4. My biggest traffic pet peeve: Not using your turn signal. In an earlier post, I threatened to develop a tactical nuke capable of taking out a car. I would definitely use this on those who can’t be bothered with such formalities as signalling turns.

5. I am a sucker for cats. I could easily be one of those freaks that has like 47 cats. I hope this doesn’t threaten my Man Club membership.

6. In junior high, I once told a counselor that my goal was to be an NBA basketball player. For some weird reason, he thought I should have a backup plan, but I didn’t think so. For the record, I never even tried out for basketball. Oh yeah, and I’m 5’9″. Thankfully, I did come up with a backup plan.

7. I was so painfully shy in my younger years, that I never attended a single dance–not even the big ones: homecoming, prom, etc. That’s probably my single biggest regret from my youth.

8. Many years ago now, John and I decided at around 3pm to drive from Portland, Oregon, to Vancouver, B.C…for no particular reason. And we just turned around and drove right back after grabbing some fuel and snacks in Vancouver. A 12-hour round-trip if I remember correctly. Crazy. And one of my fondest memories.

Cute Valentine’s Story

Okay, cute is not a word I like to have associated with anything I do, have, say, etc. I think there may even be a Man Club rule against using the word. Let’s face it, it’s a pretty girly word. But there may be an exception on Valentine’s Day.

This evening was extremely busy. The Younger Daughter had a horse riding lesson and the Older Daughter had a soccer game. Romantic Valentine’s, huh? But hey, that’s life and we roll with it.

On the way home, we picked up a couple of heart-shaped pizzas from Papa Murphy’s. When we got home, I tried to cook them. Yes, I had some issues as always, but got some assistance and pulled it off.

I placed the pizza on the table and we all started loading up our plates. The Wife slid a piece onto her plate, then I slide a piece onto mine. We looked down and noticed a strand a cheese still connecting our two slices between the two plates. We simultaneously said “Awwwww”. Any other day of the year we probably would not have given it a second thought. But on Valentine’s day, it was pretty cool. How appropriate. Not only are our hearts connected, so are our heart-shaped slices of pizza. Cuuuute!

1968 Retrospect: Fashion

According to The World Book 1968 Year Book, “Fashion was stripped of its dictatorial powers in 1968 by a revolutionary assertion of individuality.” After seeing some of the associated pictures, I’m thinking that the “dictatorial powers” should have been quickly reasserted.

1968woman.jpg

Okay, this isn’t actually all that bad, but what are these four ladies doing? Whatever it is, I think it is illegal in about 17 states.

1968man.jpg

I’m not typically in favor of the federal government telling us what to do. However, I believe that I could stand behind a federal law banning a guy from dressing like this. At the very least, he should have his Man Club membership revoked.

Let’s Dance

The Wife, the Younger Daughter, and I went to see Riverdance at the Morrison Center tonight. As a card-carrying member of the Man Club, I am legally restricted to very minimal interest in dance. This is a good thing. I don’t need, nor want, much dancing in my life. Riverdance is my guilty pleasure in the area of dance.

I freely admit that I do like Riverdance. They put on an amazing show. I think that each performer burns about 25,000 calories during the performance. Their feet are moving at an astonishing pace. I’m impressed with the near-athleticism of the performers and amazing choreography involved. That’s the part I enjoy and that’s where it begins and ends. I think there is some sort of story involved (yawn) and there are the occasional musical interludes between dances (extra sleep time for me). They also bowed like 27 times at the end. Give it up. Yes, we know you are awesome. Get off the stage so I can go home!

Don’t let my (occasionally negative?) comments stop you from seeing this show. It is very good.