34 (Not So) Important Questions

I just love a good pun. I can’t help but get a laugh at the expense of butchering the English language. That may be why my favorite comic strip is Frank & Ernest–great stuff. Anyway, a friend emailed me these very punny questions. Actually, some are puns and some are just funny questions. Okay and some aren’t even questions. Whatever. You have probably seen some of them before, but others may be new to you. I’m not sure who put together this compilation, but am happy to give them credit if they speak up. Enjoy…

  1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
  2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…
  3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  5. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  8. If a deaf person signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
  9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
  10. Is there another word for synonym?
  11. Where do forest rangers go to ‘get away from it all?’
  12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  16. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
  20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
  21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  22. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
  23. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
  24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
  26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
  27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
  28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have ‘s’ in it?
  30. Why are hemorrhoids called ‘hemorrhoids’ instead of ‘assteroids’?
  31. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
  32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  33. If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times do they become disoriented?
  34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of god?

Posted in Humor. 5 Comments »

5 Responses to “34 (Not So) Important Questions”

  1. aniche Says:

    Number 23 ROCKS!!
    here’s one, can bald people get hairline fractures?
    and another, can u cry underwater?

  2. Bryan Says:

    Good stuff. I’ll have to add these to the list. Thanks for commenting!

  3. nectarfizz Says:

    What a knee slapper.

  4. saintpaulgrrl Says:

    Just to give you an idea of my sense of humor, I particularly got a laugh out of, “Is there another word for synonym?” and “What if there were no hypothetical questions?” That’s the kind of humor you have to stop and think about for a moment, and then it nips you playfully in the ass.

  5. rhosie Says:

    they were really funny list of question….

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