Punday, September 20th

What do you need to do if you are infected with the bird flu? Seek tweetment.

What do you need to do if you are infected with the swine flu? Apply oinkment.

Punday, July 26th

If it’s not a father and it’s not a mother, what is it? It’s not apparent.

Punday, July 19th

A man decided to join a ride-sharing program with his colleagues at work to save money. But within a week of starting it, he started having severe wrist pain. This seemed to happen only while they were driving through the tunnel–he was fine outside the tunnel. Because the tunnel was so busy, they spent quite a bit of time in there. So it was quite a painful experience for the young man. He saw a doctor the following week and was told he had a problem that is quite common nowadays: carpool tunnel syndrome.

Do Not Despair

Don’t you just hate those stupid motivational posters? As if looking at some profound picture and reading an even more profound phrase is going to turn your day around. That’s why I love Despair, Inc.’s demotivational posters. I was looking through them today and found one for blogging. I love it!

Punday, June 28th

We have a dairy farm close to us. The cows are udderly amazing.

Danger on I-84?

Okay, I took this picture while driving riding on I-84 between Nampa and Caldwell. I mean, is this something I should be concerned about at all? Something doesn’t look quite right, but I can’t put my finger on it.

Punday, June 21st

What’s my favorite dressing you ask? Topless

 

Thanks to my friend Todd for this one.

Punday, April 26th

Hey look! A fork in the road.

Four Corners? Not So Much

Four Corners is the only place in the United Status where four state boundaries (Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, and Utah) come together. It was originally surveyed in 1868 and the first marker was placed there in 1912. The problem is, the survey was wrong. It turns out that the correct intersection is about 2.5 miles east of the marker.

I don’t know why, but I find it strangely humorous that millions of people have visited this monument over nearly 100 years and have taken pictures doing various goofy stunts to cover all 4 states–all to no avail. It was all a lie. (evil laughter)

Punday, April 19th

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

The Impossible Dream?

I need to have a serious discussion with my brain. I am simply not happy with its performance in regards to dreams. First of all, I’m seeing too many repeats. They say that we use only 10% of our brain’s potential, so I think it’s got plenty of time to come up with original material. I simply won’t put up with this laziness anymore. It wouldn’t be so bothersome if it was a good dream being repeated, but in this case it is an unpleasant dream. I can’t remember the details now, but I know that it was not fun.

Secondly, I want to see my dream requests fulfilled. After all, it’s my brain and it darn well better do what I ask. I have always wanted to experience space travel. However, I can’t afford such a trip. Even if it were free, I might very well chicken out. So, I want a nice space travel dream. But has my wish been granted yet? Of course not.

So brain: Stop with the repeats and give me my space trip or there will be serious consequences!

Mid-week Groaner

To my loyal readers…here is a thimble of my love for you.

Punday, April 12th

Hoppy Easter to all my peeps!

Teen Translator

Finally, news I can use. Last Sunday’s ZITS comic has a fantastic invention for parents of teens: The Teen Translator. Enjoy…

Punday, April 5th

I was recently at a construction site where they were doing some blasting. I almost forgot to put in my earplugs before a blast. Thankfully, I got them in just in the nick of time. It was a near-deaf experience.

Punday, March 22nd

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

Introducing: Uncle Jay Explains

I ran across Uncle Jay Explains several weeks back. This guy is great. He produces a weekly short video in which he explains the week’s news a la Mr. Roger’s. Very funny stuff. Check out this week’s video.

What am I?

I had so much fun with my posts My Needs and My Wants, that I decided to try another one.

Here’s how this one works: Google “[your first name] is” (actually type in the quotes…they are essential) and share the first 10 results. That’s it: it is that simple. But be honest! I’m not going to formally tag anyone, but if you read this consider yourself tagged anyway.

Bryan is…is the bees knees! (well everyone knew that already)

Bryan is…proud that Future Now’s clients, including NBC Universal, GE, WebEx, Overstock and Dell, have consistently enjoyed dramatic improvement in sales using Future Now’s Persuasion Architecture® process (ummm…sure)

Bryan is…playing Russian roulette (I’d rather not, thanks anyway)

Bryan is…the proud father of two and appears to be very happily married to a very lucky WOMAN (very, very true)

Bryan is…a Gemini (no, I’m a Virgo)

Bryan is…playing Russian roulette (stop with that!)

Bryan is…going to be releasing a new single in July! (sweet! I hope it makes lots of money.)

Bryan is…one of the driving forces behind “Memphis” (who knew?)

Bryan is… fan of: Products, Websites, Music, Non-Profits (okay sure, those are all good things)

Bryan is…in your extended network (as I should be)

High School MeMe

John recently completed this high school meme. It looked like fun, so I’m following suite. Feel free to post your own and let me know.

1. Did you date someone from your school? My high school years were sad and pathetic romantically (and in most other ways as well). I didn’t date in high school. 

2. Did you marry someone from your high school? No, I married someone from my wife’s high school.

3. Did you car pool to school? Sometimes. Mostly though, I walked before I got my license and drove by myself after. 

4. What kind of car did you have? A puke-green 1975 Chevy Vega. This may explain my answer to #1.

5. What kind of car do you have now? A red 2008 Toyota Corolla.

6. Its Friday night…where are you now? Watching TV and having a beer.

7. It is Friday night…where were you then? You would probably find me with John. Either at his house, my house, a high school sports game, or cruising. And if we were cruising, you’d find us chugging…a 7-11 Super Big Gulp. 

8. What kind of job did you have in high school? I was a gas station attendant at a Chevron gas station.

9. What kind of job do you do now? I’m an IS Administrator.

10. Were you a party animal? No.

11. Were you considered a flirt? No.

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? Yes, I was a band nerd. Yet more evidence for #1.

13. Were you a nerd? I won the trifecta of nerd-dom: band, science club, and chess club.

14. Did you get suspended from school? No, not in high school. I was suspended once or twice in Middle School.

15. Can you sing the fight song? No. However, it is to the tune of On Wisconsin. I guess our school was too poor to come up with its own song.

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher? Ms. Richter (Math) and Mr. Endicott (Social Studies).

17. Where did you sit during lunch? In a chair like everyone else.

18. What was your school’s full name? Ontario High School

19. Where did you party the most? My place or John’s.

20. What was your school mascot? The Tigers! And this was during the 80s. In band, we played Eye of the Tigers so much it made our ears bleed.

21. Would you do it again? Only if I could do it right this time.

22. Did you have fun at Prom? Do we have to keep bringing up dating? Are you tring to rub salt into the wound? Please again refer to #1.

23. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? One last time, see #1.

24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? Most likely. It makes for some cheap entertainment.

25. Do you still talk to people from school? A few of them.

26. What are/were your school’s colors? Cardinal & Corn, whatever the heck those are. How about red and yellow?

Punday, March 8th

I used to be a baker, but I didn’t make enough dough.