I Want to be a Loser

I have known for years that I needed to lose some (or even a lot of) weight. For some reason though, pesky things like better health simply were not enough to motivate me to give it a serious run. However, I have now found my motivation: cold, hard, cash.

That’s right, the Treasure Valley is having it’s own version of The Biggest Loser. The fee is $50 to enter. The first weigh-in will be this weekend. Then there will be monthly weigh-ins for the next 6 months. The biggest loser (by percentage) will take home the grand prize of $3,000. I really want to win the big prize, but even if I “just” lose weight, it is well worth the $50 entry fee.

I’ll keep you posted with my progress here with each weigh-in.

Girl Scout Cookies = Pure Evil

Yes, it’s that time of year again. The time when impossibly cute kids lurk in the shadows only to spring out and hit us up to buy those darn Girl Scout cookies. They are addictive and wildly over-priced, but we buy them anyway. We have to. We just can’t say no to those faces. It’s a good thing too. What you don’t know is that if you don’t buy the cookies, these cute kids will quickly turn evil and do unspeakable harm to you when you least expect it.

So here they sit on my desk: a box of Samoas and a box of Thin Mints. The boxes remain unopened. This is because they are so good, that if open the box, I will eat every last one of them in one sitting. I can hear the cookies calling for me. Evil things. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. Pure evil.

Eat Your Vegetables…er, Voots

Those who know me know that I’m not a big fruits and vegetables kind of guy. I know that I should eat more, but I definitely struggle eating the balanced diet that I should. I really am more of a meat and potatoes kind of guy.

As I was running around Costco today, lunching on all the free samples, I ran onto a product called Voots. They are little chewable tablets, each of which they claim to contain 12 fruits and vegetables along with all the vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and flavonoids. This is fantastic!

They claim to taste like candy. I tried a sample and they don’t taste too bad. I could eat these and never eat another fruit or vegetable again…woo hoo!

Then again, I could try Vitameatavegamin and eliminate meat also…heh.

I’m a Dork in the Kitchen

As you learned in an earlier post, for the safety of human life and property, I really should stay out of the kitchen. But, alas, I cannot resist the occasional urge to try and cook something.

Several weeks ago, I was at a friend’s house. We made up sandwiches and they warmed them up in a toaster oven. I was amazed at how much better it tasted warmed up with the cheese melted…mmmmm. Last night I was home alone (perhaps a dangerous thing just by itself) and decided to duplicate this yummy concoction. We don’t have a toaster oven, so I thought a normal oven on broil would probably accomplish the same thing. I turned on the oven, then went over and slapped some turkey and cheddar on a couple of slices of bread. Then I placed it in the oven. I then took about 5 minutes to check out some of my favorite blogs. I mean, what else would I do right? When I opened up the oven, I found the bread on top burnt to a crisp. Then when I actually ate the sandwich, I found the meat on the bottom side still cold. Sheesh…I should have just stuck with an entirely cold sandwich. Oh well, The Wife brought home pizza and saved the day!

Stealth Vegetables

Those who have known me throughout the years know that I have an unnatural fear of vegetables. Okay, maybe fear is not the right word. Hate is probably closer to the truth. Just give me my meat and potatoes and no one will get hurt.

I have actually come a long ways over the years. I believe that since childhood I have doubled the number of vegetables I’ll eat. Yes, that’s right, I’ll eat corn and green beans now!

V8 is absolutely hideous. Sure, squeeze all the liquid out of the veggies I don’t like and put them into a can. The smell of the stuff nearly makes me puke. Jack Bauer could get me to spill the beans on anything by just pouring some V8 into my mouth.

However, they have come out with a new product that is fantastic: V8 V-Fusion. An 8 ounce serving provides a serving a fruit and a serving of vegetables while tasting pretty much like a fruit drink. Plus it has vitamins and antioxidants or some sort of other crap like that. So I can get my veggies, while thinking I am downing a tasty fruit drink. This is sweet. I can eat (okay, drink) healthier without enduring the nastiness of vegetables.

My Contribution to Science

We were having tacos a few days ago and I decided that I wanted some sour cream to go with it. I grabbed the container out of the fridge and opened up this:

Isn’t it purrty? I guess that I need to pay more attention to the expiration dates. Then again, I’m an “expiration disregarder” according to Matt. Check out his funny post on expiration dates. For the record, I’m an expiration disregarder while The Wife is an expiration heeder.

Childhood Flashback: Saturday Nights

As a child, I lived in a small town and we were pretty poor. So Saturday nights were pretty simple. Don’t get me wrong–I’m not complaining. In fact, I’m actually thinking back on those nights with a great deal of fondness. The evening largely revolved around watching TV. Let’s take a look at the Saturday evening lineup that dominated most of my first 12 years:

• Wild Kingdom: Marlin Perkins was a pioneer of wildlife shows filmed in the field. He set the stage for the many shows that would follow–arguably even the development of the Animal Planet network. I have always loved animals, so I enjoyed his weekly adventure in the wild. Having said that, he certainly was not as brave as people like Steve Irwin. Do you remember that he would be hovering in the safety of his helicopter while his staff would do much of the dirty, dangerous work? Just an observation. I also remember the annoying Mutual of Omaha (the show’s title sponsor) commercials . I can still hear the song to this day: “Mutual of Omaha is people…you can count on when the going’s rough.”
• Hee Haw: This was a corny, but enjoyable, country variety show. It had a mix of country music, comedy skits, and corny jokes and puns. For most of the years, I enjoyed the corny entertainment. However, as my teen years approached, I also developed an appreciation for the buxom Southern belles that adorned the show.
• Lawrence Welk: This was another variety show, but more sophisticated than Hee Haw (okay, that’s not saying much). It was also corny, but on a different level. I see it today and say to myself: “What were you thinking?” Yet every year, when PBS has it’s annual fundraiser, I find myself watching the Lawrence Welk special and enjoying the quick trip back 30 years.
• Portland Wrestling: Prior to the 80s, “professional” wrestling was largely a local affair. Each large city had its own wrestling association. The matches were held in relatively shabby buildings. The wrestlers were gritty, working-class guys that just wanted to beat the crap out of each other. Of course, it was just as fake back then as today. However, it seemed more realistic than today’s highly commercialized, glamorous, wrestling productions. We lived in western Oregon at the time, so we tuned in to Portland Wrestling every Saturday night without fail. Throughout the 80s, these local venues slowly faded away. Very few of the wrestlers were able to make the transition to the new, highly polished package of the new professional wrestling. One notable exception was one that you might recognize. Former wrestler and Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura got his start in Portland back in the 70s. I even have his autograph from attending a live event!

Another memorable part of Saturday night: popcorn. I’m not talking about microwave popcorn or a popcorn machine–I’m talking about cooking it in a pan! First, pour in enough oil to cover the pan bottom. Next, add the corn–but not too much or it will push the lid off during popping and popcorn will go every where. Once the corn starts to pop, slide the pan frenetically back and forth across the burner to keep it from burning. When the popping stops, dump the popcorn into a bowl. Top it off with melted butter and a few shakes of salt. It may just be fond memories, but I don’t think any of our “modern” methods of cooking popcorn has yet topped the popcorn I last had over 20 years ago now.

If you grew up during the 80s or after, this may have been a fairly boring post for you. But for those of you that lived through the 70s, I’m hoping that I was able to spark a fond memory that you haven’t thought about for awhile. Feel free to reply with your own Saturday night memories or post your own and give me a shout back.

She Inherited My Crappy Cooking Gene

I’m no genetic scientist, but I think that the crappy cooking gene must be dominant. The Wife is a wonderful cook, but as you heard earlier, I can burn water. Unfortunately, the Younger Daughter is following in my glorious footsteps. She wanted some macaroni and cheese recently. So she pulled a box of Easy Mac out of the pantry (remember now, easy is part of the name). She dumped the ingredients into a bowl, put it in the microwave, and fired that baby up. A few minutes later, a horrid smell filled the house. I mean this was really bad. Something along the lines of how smoldering cardboard might smell–only not that good.

I noticed smoke pouring out of the microwave, so opened the door and pulled the bowl out. Looking inside, I saw a very think, brown liquid along with some very nasty looking noodles. It was obvious that she had missed a step–that is, adding water. The noodles were actually starting to melt/burn. The microwave still really reeks, even after cleaning it. I’m not sure if the smell will ever disappear. (One last reminder: This was Easy Mac.)

You’re very welcome kids–no extra charge for the dysfunctional kitchen tendencies you got from me.

The $2,200 Burger

Bryan Sampson just wanted a quick, cheap meal for his family. So he sent his wife to a Burger King in Meridian, Idaho. Sounds like a great Saturday afternoon meal right? Well, it was until he checked his bank account the next day and found that he had been charged $2,243.33 for a $22.43 meal!

He went back to the restaurant to get the problem resolved. However, the assistant manager on duty cancelled the debit charge rather than reversing it. Apparently, this causes the charge to still show pending for 3 days. To make matters worse, the manager is out of town until Tuesday and apparently no one can fix it. Meanwhile, as of Sunday, Sampson has 7 overdraft charges (at $35 a pop) and rising on his account.

This is not the first time Burger King has done this. In 2006, they charged a man in Glendale, California $4,334.33 for a $4.33 meal. Now I get it–people make mistakes. But that’s why they should have safeguards in place for this. It would be a unique to each restaurant, but there should be an upper limit above which it prompts the cashier to confirm that the amount is correct. For Burger King, $50 would be a good limit before it requires confirmation. Of course, this just makes too much sense.

Cute Valentine’s Story

Okay, cute is not a word I like to have associated with anything I do, have, say, etc. I think there may even be a Man Club rule against using the word. Let’s face it, it’s a pretty girly word. But there may be an exception on Valentine’s Day.

This evening was extremely busy. The Younger Daughter had a horse riding lesson and the Older Daughter had a soccer game. Romantic Valentine’s, huh? But hey, that’s life and we roll with it.

On the way home, we picked up a couple of heart-shaped pizzas from Papa Murphy’s. When we got home, I tried to cook them. Yes, I had some issues as always, but got some assistance and pulled it off.

I placed the pizza on the table and we all started loading up our plates. The Wife slid a piece onto her plate, then I slide a piece onto mine. We looked down and noticed a strand a cheese still connecting our two slices between the two plates. We simultaneously said “Awwwww”. Any other day of the year we probably would not have given it a second thought. But on Valentine’s day, it was pretty cool. How appropriate. Not only are our hearts connected, so are our heart-shaped slices of pizza. Cuuuute!

What Do You Want For Dinner?

It’s one of the most dreaded questions in our household. When The Wife asks it, the answer is invariably “food”. It can be tough to look at a fridge and pantry full of items and decide what to have on a given night. I had an idea several years back to have a website where you could tell it what you have available and it would tell you what you could make with those ingredients. It would give you some ideas that you might not think of and avoid a trip to the store. Well, the thieves over at CookingByNumbers stole my idea (okay, so I didn’t actually have my patent filing completed…yet). It’s still pretty lean on content–it only returns 37 recipes if you select every available ingredient. But it’s a great concept and I hope they are able to expand on it. Give it a try.