Why can’t we just say hello and goodbye to each other? You know, like the good ‘ole days? But no, we have all these “creative” greetings that make little sense and just serve to piss me off. Let’s have a look at some of them.
“What’s up?”: Okay, moron. If we’re outside, it’s the sky. If we’re inside, it’s the ceiling.
“How are you?”: I know you really don’t want an honest answer to that, so don’t ask. If you do ask, expect me to spend the next 10 minutes detailing every negative thing going on in my life. So there.
“Later”: Last I checked, you are not God. You cannot just decree that it is later. Nor can you know for sure that we will ever see each other again.
“Take care”: Wow, I’m glad you said that. I had planned on going out and doing something horribly reckless and endangering the lives of myself and others. Thankfully you have talked me out of it.
“Have a good one”: Thanks you stingy bastard. I can only have a single good one? What if I want three good ones? Not on your watch, eh?
“Godspeed”: You really think highly of yourself if you can tell God what to do. I, for one, don’t think he’ll do something just because you tell him to.
“Yo”: You’re kidding, right? You have the IQ of a gnat. One syllable, two letters. Pathetic.
Okay, I guess that’s enough ranting for now. Let just keep it hello and goodbye, okay? Thanks and take care.