Torn Between Two Women

You don’t have to wait until Sunday (Punday) for the next pun. Here’s a bonus pun at no extra charge:

There was a man who had a girlfriend named Lorraine. Then one day a new woman was hired at his office. Her name was Clearly, and he soon fell in love with her. He thought about breaking things off with Lorraine. But he just couldn’t do it. Then Lorraine learned her employer was transferring her across country. The guy pretended to be sad when Lorraine moved. But deep down, he was happy. For he can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone.

Evolution of Dance

Judson Laipply takes us through the history of dance over the past 50 years or so. Very funny.

Punday, September 28th

Getting into the skunk selling business makes a lot of scents.

Obamanation

Some say that Barack Obama, as president, would take us to Soviet-style socialism. Having said that, here’s a parody of the former Soviet Union’s national anthem. I don’t care which side you are for. Shut up and enjoy a laugh. I have no doubt that I will find something to post to poke fun at McCain.

It’s My God-given Right…

It’s my God-given right to:

• Empty every last little bit of trash out of my car when I get gas
• Try every sample at Costco and walk away during the sales pitch without feeling any guilt
• Get new sheets and towels EVERY day in a hotel and not feel guilty about the environment
• Look at all the hot chicks I want to. If they’re displaying it, I can look as long as I don’t touch. The Wife and I have an understanding on that.
• Rudely end a sales call…particularly if they won’t take no for an answer when I’m nice
• Pee outside. I live on a 20-acre ranch. I can find plenty of places to fulfill this primal need without exposing myself to the public.
• Get 27 refills of my soft drink if the restaurant offers free refills

It’s my God-given right.

Punday, September 21st

I have a buddy that works at a gravel pit. I asked him how his job was going. He said, “It rocks.”

Lights Out

We had a major thunderstorm last night. It took our power out for a couple of hours. Having the power go out really messes me up. You’ll find me stumbling around the house searching for flashlights and candles. We have plenty of them, but I think that they have some secret evil pact in which they hide from me when I actually need them. Plus, there must have been at least a dozen times that I walked into a room and thought to myself “Hey, it’s dark in here…I need to turn the light on.” And I actually tried turning it on before realizing that…duh…it won’t work.

After the rain passed, we grabbed some lawn chairs, a few brewskies, and headed out to watch the storm. We just love watching thunderstorms at night. It was in the distance, so it wasn’t that risky. We had some nice conversation and enjoyed the nice breeze. Good times.

Arsonist?

I took a quiz a quiz on what felony I would commit. As my frequent readers know, I have some previous experience with accidental (really) fires. They will probably now question if those fires really were accidental. I assure you they were. However, I agree that if I were ever to commit a felony, arson would be my crime of choice. I do love fire, but would never want anyone to get hurt by my fire.

You Are Arson

No doubt about it, you have a serious destructive streak. You can’t help it! Sometimes you just get so frustrated with the world, and you have to let your aggression outYou have a notoriously bad temper. You are obsessed with getting your revenge. You are obviously a pyromaniac, whether you realize it or not. It feels great to watch something burn.

What Felony Are You?

Punday, September 7th

As the Eskimo walked out of work at quitting time on Friday, he told his co-worker “Have an ice weekend”.

Insanity on Wheels: The Final Chapter

You may recall that we had decided to buy a used vehicle, sight unseen, from an out of town dealership. Indeed, the Older Daughter and I flew to Portland over the weekend. We took a quick test drive, had lunch with our family there, then drove home.

It was an extremely long day. However, the RAV4 is exactly what we were looking for and this appears to be a good pick. There are a few minor cosmetic things that we need to get fixed up. But for a 10-year-old vehicle, it is in excellent condition and runs great.

And here is the Older Daughter beaming with pride. Of course, you can’t tell because I have blurred her face out of my extreme paranoia.

Eggcellent

Our hens have started laying eggs! Of course, they are overachievers. They are not supposed to lay eggs until about 9 months of age and it has been only 6 months. So we have been scrambling to get roosting boxes setup so that they are not laying eggs on the floor of the coop. However, the eggs are tiny. Is this normal? I guess we’ll see if they get bigger. Sweet. With all this effort, we can now save like $1.50 on eggs per week. Watch out Bill Gates!