The Worst Song Ever: I’ve Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates

Okay, I believe that I have stumbled upon the worst song ever recorded. It’s called “I’ve Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates (You’ve Got a Brand New Key)” by Melanie Safka.

Listen at your own risk–this song will keep you awake with it running through your head over and over.

Once you recover from listening to it, please check out the lyrics and tell me what the song is about. Is there some sort of hidden meaning?

I rode my bicycle past your window last night
I roller skated to your door at daylight
It almost seems like you’re avoiding me
I’m OK alone but you’ve got something I need, well

I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates
You’ve got a brand new key
I think that we should get together and
Try them on to see
I been lookin’ around awhile
You got something for me
Oh, I got a brand new pair of roller skates
You got a brand new key

I ride my bike, I roller skate, don’t drive no car
Don’t go too fast, but I go pretty far
For somebody who don’t drive, I been all around the world
Some people say I done all right for a girl

I asked your mother if you were at home
She said yes, but you weren’t alone
Oh, sometimes I think that you’re avoiding me
I’m OK alone but you got something I need, well

54 Responses to “The Worst Song Ever: I’ve Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates”

  1. girlgriot Says:

    No, not the worst! I loved this song when it came out. I was in 3rd or 4th grade, had no idea what she was singing about other than actual roller skates and keys, but it was a fun song … and encouraging that someone who couldn’t sing could sing and even get to make a record!

  2. Bekki Says:

    hahaha the sad part is I remember this song playing on Sesame Street.

  3. saintpaulgrrl Says:

    I remember this song from high school, which tells you how old I am! (I didn’t like it all that much then, either.)

  4. terp Says:

    M Driver sang a spoff of this song at the Oscars for Pan’s Lav. It was funny as shiat. Can you find a copy on the web? I’ve looked everywhere. Thanks

  5. Bryan Says:

    Thanks for dropping by. Sorry, I’m only a search engine to my daughter, not strangers.  :) http://dadintheheadlights.wordpress.com/2008/02/20/dad-now-the-preferred-search-engine/

  6. Denise Says:

    This song is a classic for those of us that grew up in the 70’s. It was one of those silly nonsense songs that made you feel good. You couldn’t help, but sing along and smile.

  7. Bryan Says:

    Sorry, I didn’t mean to throw the 70s under the bus. Maybe I need to trash an 80s song also. How about “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”?

  8. lngseylashes Says:

    thats a cool song lol

  9. lngseylashes Says:

    I love IT.Got one of those good beats.But then I grew up in the 70’s LOL

  10. SU Says:

    YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO SEE ANYTHING – EVEN IF IT IS STARING YOU IN THE FACE.

  11. Bryan Says:

    SU: And apparently you are too old to figure out how to click the Caps Lock button so that you don’t look like a yelling freak.

  12. Jim Says:

    Well, I was out at a nightclub last night, and this girl sang this song and it was awesome!
    As far as what the song means – If you remember those old metal roller skates, well they required a skate key to tighten them over your sneakers.
    THe song basically is a love song where she has the skates, but he has the key – which is not only a skate key but the key to her heart.

  13. BUFFALO BILL Says:

    GET WITH THE PROGRAM; IT’S A SONG RIFE WITH SEXUAL METAPHOR: …BRAND NEW PAIR OF ROLLER SKATES; YOU GOT A BRAND NEW KEY…HELLO, ANYBODY IN THERE… DON’T GO TOO FAST BUT I GO PRETTY FAR, FOR SOMEBODY WHO DON’T DRIVE I’VE BEEN ALL AROUND THE WORLD…REMINDS ME OF A GIRL I KNEW IN TOLEDO……

  14. Bryan Says:

    Caps lock is stuck dude.

  15. clonanster Says:

    you just have to check out the crotch shot at the end to figure out what it is about :)

  16. Bryan Says:

    It’s a crotch shot of a guy. That doesn’t do much for me.

  17. Kathy Says:

    Can’t believe you don’t like I’ve Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates. Love that song, even got asked by two young bartenders at the Outback last night If I knew the words to this song..classic!

  18. Bryan Says:

    Kathy, we can agree to disagree. I’m sure there are plenty of songs I like that you don’t. Post away on your blog if you want to…I won’t be offended. :)

    Thanks for dropping by my twisted corner of the Internet.

  19. Sixties Expert Says:

    An apparent music illiterate wrote: “Okay, I believe that I have stumbled upon the worst song ever recorded…” Actually, this song was a number 1 hit and in fact is titled “Brand New Key.” You’re made up title shows 1) you have little knowlege of popular music or musicians (she’s famous as “Melanie” not Melanie Safka), and 2) perhaps need a life away from this blog, which I stumbled upon by chance researching Melanie’s current status. Of course the great thing about the internet is anyone can upload a website and end up listed in search engines…

    Now in my admittedly not so humble, but knowledgeable, opinion one of the worst popular songs ever to hit the charts was a lyrically lame, unimaginative country crossover called “Flowers on the Wall” by the Statler Brothers.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AE6W1Y25sZY&NR=1

    In high school I got so sick of this song on the radio to this day I eschew all country with the exception of Emmy Lou Harris (along with Johnny Cash the best singer-songwriter country ever produced.)

    Melanie actually wrote Brand New Key as a fun take on Leon Redbone’s music (if you also don’t know Leon Redbone it wouldn’t shock me…) and was surprised by it’s popularity and people’s imaginative interpretation of the innocent lyrics. She didn’t at all write this song with freudian sexual metaphors in mind (dirty minds think dirty thoughts yet the song reached number 1 depsite some radio stations refusing to play it.) As released, she was unhappy with the background arrangement producers added to the song after she recorded it and wrote “What Have They Done To My Song, Ma?” in protest:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHF-iApfWis&feature=related

    Melanie was one of the more unique folk singer-songwriters of the late 60s/early 70s and performed at Woodstock. She was actually more well known for her amazing vocal abilities on songs like “Lay Down (Candles in the Rain”) which she supposedly wrote of her Woodstock experience:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJGfhWq68DE&feature=related

    A live version of Brand New Key is at:

  20. Bryan Says:

    Blah, blah, blah, wake me up when you are finished blabbering.

    And thanks for coming to my blog and insulting me. No really, I appreciate it.

  21. Sixties Expert Says:

    Bryan wrote: “And thanks for coming to my blog and insulting me.”

    You’re welcome. I’ll consider you and Melanie as being even.

    Uh, sorry about the double post.

  22. audreypadre Says:

    This song was so perfect as I tightend my skates with my key. Just thinking of this song brings back such great memories! I must have been 8 years old. Life was full of fun and no worries then.

  23. Terri Says:

    I had just graduated high school when this song came out and, like someone else said here, it is full of sexual metaphors. She has the hots for this guy and she is chasing him while he shows no interest in her. I’d heard someone’s dad recalled hearing his daughter’s boyfriend singing the song and when it got to ‘I’ve got a brand new key’, Daddy said angrily “oh no you don’t!” It cannot be mistaken that this song is full of sexual metaphor!

  24. Matt Says:

    Bryan, are you British? I can’t believe that you forgot about the other version of this song which is “Combine harvester” by The Wurzels (came out in 1976) Believe me, if you thought “Brand new key” was bad, you aint heard nothing yet! “I drove my tractor to your haystack last night, I threw my pitchfork at your dog to keep quiet.” Other such notable songs that you wish for a haystack to hide behind are “I am a cider drinker” which goes, “When the moon shines on the cowshed” and The Tractor song which is another farmers’ parody.

  25. Louie Says:

    Great song, fun, catchy, bright, cheerfull song. Know both young and older who love it.

  26. Phil Says:

    Brian – I was purusing my music library which caused me to think that I wondered whatever happened to the person that sang the song that has so stuck in your head. (I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates.)
    As a person that was in highschool when this song came out – I would like to share with you ‘my’ take on the song.
    The country was rifled with growing pains, violence in the streets on college campuses Vietnam war going strong.
    Was the song great emcompassing meaningful? of course not. Was it trying to lighten up all the sadness grief and heartache everyone was feeling? I would think so. So, when you speak of a song being the worst ever, consider this ’some of us’ during that period in time, needed a little something to pick up our spirits. This song did it for me.

  27. Bryan Says:

    Point well taken. For my generation “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” may very well fal linto the same category. Thanks for visiting!

  28. Rachael Says:

    I love this song, it’s great. The 70’s were fabulous, and so was this song. And apparently, a lot of artists seem to think so too, because it’s been re-recorded many times.

  29. Jenny Says:

    Okay, Bryan, if I understand your logic correctly, if ‘I’ve got a brand new pair of roller skates’ is the worst song ever, by definition, ‘Coconut’ *is not* the worst song? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbgv8PkO9eo If that sixties expert guy hadn’t bored me after the first sentence, I have a feeling I might have agree with him.

    Listen to the song and then try to tell me that the lines ‘put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up, you put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up…’ do not loop in your head for the next three hours. Worst song ever that you love to hate.

  30. Bryan Says:

    What? You think I use logic here? Hahahahaha. Coconut is pretty bad too.

  31. kate Says:

    Listen, I hate to come to your blog and prove you wrong, but the worst song EVER is definately “Wildfire” by Michael Martin Murphey. It is. Go listen to it and you will want to singe your ears off.

  32. Bryan Says:

    Thanks Kate. There’s 8 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. It is pretty bad. I nearly fell asleep during the almost 2 minute piano intro. It’s in the same ballpark as IGABNPOR, but not quite as hideous. On that, we’ll have to agree to disagree..

  33. kate Says:

    Ok, wait. I forgot one (this is actually a conversation my husband and I had recently, so I was excited to see someone else pondering this important topic): I DARE you to top “Havin’ My Baby” by Paul Anka.

  34. Bryan Says:

    I agree…realy, really bad. I still don’t know though. Maybe I’ll have to ponder this and re-listen until I want to shoot myself.

    “My” baby. Selfish bastard! I think she may have had something to do with the process…sheesh.

  35. Bryan Says:

    By the way you are right, this is a very important topic. We may just have to start a separate blog to discuss this.

    Thinking about this a little more. Just play the tunes and don’t concentrat on the words. IGABNPOR is fingernails on the chalkboard. HMB is at least somewhat pleasant…if 70s.

  36. Poobah Says:

    You’ve been provided with the correct name for the song at least twice. It’s “Brand New Key.”

    I heard the song on AM radio when I was a kid, the meaning sailed right over my head.

    I’m rather partial to the Dollyrots’ cover of it.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbQ43sFDQTM

    The Bastard Fairies do a nice version here with the accompaniment of the The Uncle Lincoln Ukulele Group.

  37. Angie Says:

    I love this song, it’s great!

  38. Derrell Says:

    WoW! Great Song from the 70’s. I can also Recommend: Meri Wilson – Telephone Man (1977)

  39. Alex Says:

    Dude, you need to spo being a “caps getsapo”. That’s almost as bad as spell checkers. At least they responded to you dumb analysis.

  40. Ty Says:

    Well ive only recently conected to the internet to be able to find a song I loved when I was about 10 I love it brings back child hood memories you can never replace

  41. Mike44 Says:

    Try on Muscrat Love by The Captain and Tenille.

    As to Brand New Key I’ll quote Willem Dafoe from To Live and Die in LA

    “You’re taste is in your ass”

    Dunno how old you are but I suppose as with many songs you had to have been there to understand. Like a vietnam vet. No movie or video or youtube song will ever replace being there and living it. Some movies like Apocalypse Now come 20% of the way there but unless you have been in a huey medivac with me flying low 5 feet over the treetops taking ground fire up the ass then watching your co-pilot’s head explode all over you, then and only then you’ll get it.

    Watching a youtube video somehow just aint the same as living it.

  42. Bryan Says:

    First, thanks for coming to my blog and insulting. No really, I always appreciate that. You are probably right that if I lived through the era, I might have a different perspective on the song.

    However, this is my blog and in my world, the song majorly sucks. That’s my opinion and it’s fine that you have a different opinion. Because I respect differing opinions, I’m leaving your comment here even though you are insulting me for no particular reason.

  43. Clark Says:

    I can’t believe you’re still getting comments on this thing nearly a year later. Maybe I need to insult more people on my blog by telling them the stuff they love is stupid.

    I also can’t get over the comments left by “Sixties Expert.” He was checking up on the current status of Melanie; does she even currently have a status? That’s like checking up on Tido Jackson.

    • Mike44 Says:

      “does she even currently have a status?”

      To you no, but to many of her fans worldwide yes. Google her current schedule and learn for yourself. :)

      “That’s like checking up on Tido Jackson.”

      Nah, it’s more like checking up on Mick Jagger, Joan Baez, Bob Dylan, Jackson Browne, etc…. But then I doubt those names ring a bell with you.

    • Mike44 Says:

      BTW Tido Jackson is Tito Jackson.

      Perhaps you are 20ish listening to current pablum. I’ll cut you and Bryan some slack.

  44. FreshyFresh Says:

    Wow, Bryan nice glasses on top of your bald penis shaped head. People like you are the epitome of douchebag. May God have mercy on your soul.

  45. FreshyFresh Says:

    Are you going to leave this comment on here cunt stain, Probably not….

  46. Jenna Says:

    LOL I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU FRESHY HE DOES HAVE A PENIS SHAPED HEAD!!!! LOL

  47. Bryan Says:

    Freshy/Jenna: I’m assuming that you think that calling my head penis-shaped is a slam? Really? I think it’s a compliment. At least I have TWO body parts shaped like a penis while you both have no bodies parts worthy of being called penis-shaped.

  48. Anonymous Says:

    you suck asshole melanie is awesome!!!If you can’t get the grasp of it just being a fun song then you are an idiot!

  49. emmanuelle Says:

    I and my mom love that song I have not knowen it very long but I love it I herd it on XM and I am with you Anonymous it is just a fun song and I love if you can’t see it your nuts

  50. emmanuelle Says:

    one more thing back then roller skates us to have keys and they would go on your shoes and you need the key to take them off and he toke her key so she can’t take them off OK it is not a bad song it is just a good song. I am a kid and I know that


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