CNN posted a story today entitled Unexpected uses for bathroom items. This immediately drew my interest despite all the other stories on silly things like the war, the economy, horrific weather, death and destruction….yawn. In the story, CNN has pulled some of the finest suggestions on alternative uses for bathroom items from the Real Simple website. (Wait, so I’m a website, reviewing another website’s review of yet another website? If CNN happens to review my blog, I think the world will explode.)
Below, at no extra charge, is my expert commentary on a sampling of the items from the original article.
• Remove latex paint from skin. Pour a generous amount of baby oil on a cotton ball and scrub.
I can be rather lazy. Let’s avoid getting paint on the skin by just not painting to begin with.
• Slip off a stuck ring. Massage oil onto your finger and rotate the ring until you can slide it off. (This trick works to get body parts out of a number of sticky situations.)
Hmmm…I’d like to hear more details about that last statement. Do you happen have a link to a website with stories and pictures?
• Save a necklace. Rescue a busted strand by threading the beads onto dental floss for a quick, sturdy fix.
Classy. You’ll get raves about that necklace at your next dinner party.
• Hang a painting. To hang lightweight artwork that’s not in a heavy frame with glass, use dental floss in place of picture wire.
I don’t tie very good knots to begin with, but isn’t floss so slick that the knot would just slip out anyway? Now it’s going to come crashing down on my head. CNN, I hope you have your lawyers ready for the lawsuits on this one.
• String a popcorn garland during the holidays. Just thread the floss through a needle as you would ordinary sewing thread.
Does anyone actually do this anymore? Plus, why waste perfectly good popcorn on a decoration? However, maybe they are on to something here: You could string the popcorn on the floss, then eat it directly off the floss. That way you can eat the popcorn and floss at the same time! Now that’s efficiency!
• Tie your hair back before you wash your face if you don’t have an elastic.
Again, wouldn’t the knot just come loose?
• Cut a cheesecake. Use unwaxed, unflavored floss to slice any soft cheeses, layer cakes, or homemade cinnamon buns from a roll.
In these parts, we have things called grocery stores. You can buy food already prepared–and in most cases already cut—there.
• Clean a toilet. Toss in two dissolving antacid tablets, such as Alka-Seltzer, wait 20 minutes, then brush.
Better yet, go to your friend’s house and dump a whole box of Alka-Seltzer in. Then seal the lid. The fun just never stops!
• Remove a stain from a vase’s bottom. Drop a tablet in a little water and let it sit for several minutes. Wipe and rinse.
I can honestly say I’ve never thought for a minute that I needed a vase bottom to be immaculate. Maybe it’s that lazy thing again.
• Impress a kid with a fun science experiment. Pour water into a plastic 35-millimeter-film canister until it is one-third full, drop in a tablet, replace the lid, and quickly place the canister upside down on the ground. Stand back. In 5 to 10 seconds, the gas pressure will make the canister pop its lid and shoot several feet into the air.
Okay CNN, if you didn’t need the lawyers for the falling painting, you’ll definitely need them for this gem. You know that some moron will stand right over this and get his face blown off.
• Touch up paint on cabinets or walls, or use a swab to apply wood stain to elaborate carvings on furniture or scratches on furniture and floors.
I refer back to my statement above: don’t paint. But if you must, wouldn’t the fibers from the swab stick to the wall?
• Tote touch-up makeup in a tiny evening bag by rubbing cotton swabs in concealer and eye shadow, sealing them in a plastic bag, and tucking the bag into your clutch.
This is a great idea. I already do this.
• Take a shine to your silver. Use a swab to apply polish to crevices in flatware or tea services.
Okay, so you’re too cheap to fix a necklace with anything more expensive than floss, but you have silver that needs polishing?